you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
