I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
