Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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