Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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