we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
