So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
