I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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