My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
