God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
