You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize