Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i dont even know how to be here
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
