discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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