So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
