I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
