you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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