I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
