oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
