VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
