You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
