We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
