Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
