I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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