My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
