who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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