what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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