mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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