Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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