when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
