Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
