you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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