after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
When are your genitals available?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
