Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
