Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
