I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize