He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
