Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
