In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
