we have pet lesbian snakes
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
