How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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