I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Randomize
