Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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