Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
