She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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