I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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