if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize