Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
