i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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