I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Is it because I queefed?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
