He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Then you guys just all showered together...?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
