Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Randomize
