I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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