My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize