your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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