I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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