I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
