Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
