It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
