are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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