so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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