Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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