Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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