I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
