I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
