Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Green mimosas i think yes
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
