mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
whose parrot is this?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
