My brain says no but my pants say off.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
