So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
