I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
