true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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