I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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