i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
dude. I can hear the air.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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