everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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